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“To be honest with you…” |
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Why
do people feel the need to announce their honesty? Does this mean that
they’re lying otherwise? Usually, people use this phrase to set up a
statement that might be inconsistent with the goals they are trying to
achieve. (For example: “To be honest with you, our competitor’s system is
somewhat faster.”) |
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The
alternative here is to omit the “honesty” phrase altogether and get to the
point. If you feel compelled to announce that you are being up front, do
what Mel Kass of Bear Stearns in New York City does. He replaces the phrase
with one word: “candidly.” It’s simple and it focuses more on spontaneity
than honesty. It goes without saying that we should always be honest – it’s
much easier to remember what we’ve said when we are! |
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“What I want to talk about is…” |
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People don’t care about what you want, especially if you’re trying to
persuade them. They only care about what they want. When it's time to
introduce a new topic in a conversation, tie it to the other person's
benefit. For example, say, “So that we can find out how to best (save you
money, increase your productivity or give you another benefit) let’s
discuss….” Do this and you'll be appealing to your customers’ concerns
rather than forcing your agenda upon them. |
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Negative language |
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The
popular optical illusion below is a good example of how context affects
perception. Which horizontal line is longer? Of course, they’re both the
same length, but the top one looks longer. The arrowheads on each side of
the line have a significant impact on the viewer's perception. Likewise, in
persuasive speech different words packaged around the same information can
have a huge impact on the listener's perception. |
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Persuasive speakers communicate by using positive language. Instead of
saying, “We can’t ship the products until next Tuesday,” say, “We can ship
the products as early as next Tuesday.” What a difference! Put yourself in
the listener's shoes. Which version is more appealing to you? |
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The
habit of using positive speech has helped me to achieve many more results
than I thought possible. You can practice this skill all the time, too. Try
it with coworkers, family and friends. You'll begin to see things in a whole
new light! |
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“So what you’re saying is…” |
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I
hate it when someone pulls this one on me. Half the time his interpretation
of my words is off base; I then have to correct him and reiterate my ideas.
Since he’s summarizing me and I’m correcting him, this dangerous phrase puts
us both on the defensive. |
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The
other half of the time his summary is not necessarily wrong, but it’s
incomplete and missing my major points. That causes me to restate my points
while he clings to his “brilliant” summary. This also sends the message that
he perceives my points as long-winded and vague, forcing him to rescue my
message from obscurity. Needless to say, this doesn’t put me at ease or give
me a sense of confidence in him. The same may be true for the people you
deal with in business. |
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Here’s a better way to ensure that you and others are on the same page. Turn
the confirming statement into a question seeking confirmation.
Instead of, “So what you’re saying is….”, try, “Am I correct to understand
your (points, ideas, reasons, etc.) to be…?” This demonstrates that you are
listening and trying to synchronize with them, rather than forcing your own
interpretation down their throats. |
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“What you have to do is…” |
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Barking orders is not beneficial to persuasion. When someone says the above
phrase to me I immediately think, “Who the heck are you to tell me what I
have to do?” |
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This
phrase usually precedes how-to information. For example, while the following
statement gets the message across, it’s not the most persuasive: “What you
have to do is buy an inexpensive interface in order for our hardware to be
compatible with your system.” You’ll sound much friendlier and less bossy by
saying, “Our hardware is compatible with your system by using an inexpensive
interface, purchased separately.” Customers don't like being told that they
have to buy or do something. |
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“I don’t know how much you know about (topic), but…” |
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I
just love this one. The person openly admits to not knowing the listener's
level of knowledge, and then babbles on hoping that his points will stick.
One of three things happens in this situation: |
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1.
The speaker talks over your head and wastes
your time. He comes off as a know-it-all who can’t relate to you. |
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2. He
tells you stuff you already know and wastes your time. He possibly insults
your intelligence and might come off as condescending. |
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3.
By some random happenstance, he appeals to your level of knowledge
and drives home his point. |
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There is a 2 in 3 chance of a negative outcome when choosing
this route. Persuasive communicators don’t take those chances. |
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Here’s an easy process to use as an alternative: |
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1.
Ask them, “How much do you know about (topic)?” |
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2.
Be quiet and listen. |
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3.
Speak to their appropriate level of expertise. |
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When
speaking to a larger group ask for a show of hands with “How many of you
know a lot about (topic)? Something? Nothing?” Then speak to the
consensus level or slightly below it. |
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